Right after my parents broke but just before I moved in with my dad. Holy fucking patheticness. Too bad things haven't changed that much since. I somehow expected a brand new life when I'd move out and I expected things to suddenly get better. Hmm sounds familiar! Hopefully, this time I'll be right.

All I want to do is shut down and stay at home for the whole week. There's this thing about holidays... People always promise you to do really amazing things and they never do. Actually, people promise a lot of things. It's all so useless, really. I don't know why I bother trusting people anymore. I feel used most of the time and if not, I feel like I'm bothering the person I'm with. I can't wait to move out. I know it'll be hard but I can't deal with these people anymore. Once second they say they love me and the next thing I know, they stop calling and pretend I'm dead.

They don't seem to get how fucking lonely one can feel when they pretty much live on their own without parents or siblings. There's only so much daily excitement a cat can bring, really.

I truly am.

Also, who had the great idea to get people to spend a whole night outside in freezing weather? Worst. Night. Ever. I was so fucking cold ugh.

Oh and why do cats love meowing in your face at 5 am to wake you up? I'm annoyed.

I am happy. :)

It seems like I'm always in between two things.

I'm living here as an in-between my mom's house and the house we bought. I'm going to this school as an in-between high school and university. I hate the awkward in-between moments when a friendship is still a friendship, but getting close to being a relationship. I hate almost liking someone. I hate not liking someone enough to say I want to date them. These friends are temporary. They'll go as soon as I move out. I hate this unstable life I'm leading. 3 more months.

I'm sick of people using me to get what they want and then throwing me away as if they never even knew me.

This guy who used to like me came up to me today, telling me I'm a stupid lying cunt and bashing the shit out of me.

Long story short: his crush (also my friend) likes Russian hockey players. He said her favourite player was gay because of his hair. She replied "Well Pavel (Russian ex-bff) straightens his hair and he's not gay!" so I said "Oh, he is. He told me. We were like ~bffz~ at some point."

So we made her believe he was really gay. The guy texted me and was like "It's so funny to mess with her head :P play along." so I did.

I went out with a few girl friends (she was there) so I told her it was obviously a joke and that the guy wanted me to keep playing along. She somehow told him about that so he came up to me extremely fucking angry

Guy: Did *you* tell her *I* said I wanted *you* to mess with her head????????
Me: *smiles* yeah haha.
Guy: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Me: ... wat? o_o
Guy: I NEVER SAID THAT.
Me: Well you sent me that text saying it was funny to mess with her and to keep playing along...
Guy: YOU'RE LYING.
Me: Sorry for misinterpreting what you said?
Guy: NO, YOU'RE LYING. YOU HAVE A HISTORY OF MAKING SHIT UP.
Me: lol k bye :)

And then he stormed out lmfaoooooooooooooooo im sorry I can't help but laugh.

From a teacher. I wouldn't even care if it was from a peer, but a teacher? It hit hard. I've never disrupted class. I've never missed a class or even been late. I handed in one assignment late because it wasn't graded and TOLD HIM I'd hand it in the next day (and did). He made me fail my quiz and wrote that it was because I didn't hand the assignment in...... When I did..... he stamped it..........

This is such a shit day.

My dad told his girlfriend that he wants to adopt my boyfriend because he appreciates his cooking skills and comes from Eastern Europe :|

Also I skipped school to finish my project on the israelo-palestinian conflic and I'm dying. This is taking so long.

The boyfriend got off work early and we're going to the movies ^_^

Also I learned that I'll probably live with my step-sister once we move out. Awkward.

We had to write a literary analysis for French class and present it in front of the class. We each had to describe and explain one figure of speech. For some reason, my friend found one, didn't write anything about it and when it came to presenting it in front of the class, she declared "Oh, well I don't have anything written done, seems like you'll have to do both!"

Now I wouldn't mind if it hadn't been for the fact that I had a huge ass piece of metal sticking to the roof of my mouth (tongue piercing problems ftl) and making me speak like I have a lisp AND a whole hot potato in my mouth.

And before presenting she's all "omg we can't possibly be presenting now! We're not even done!" so I'm like "Yeah well it seems we'll still have to present bb..." and she flips out and goes like "Well we're not ready!" I told her I wasn't the one she should tell that to, since I couldn't do a thing about that and she just glared at me and said "EXACTLY."  lolwat?

Then she asked if I was mad and all I said was "o_o .......... I'm tired..." when all I really wanted to do was push her out the building so she breaks her neck and dies.

I'm pretty sure I shouldn't still be bitter about something that happened in November. I keep on replaying those scenes in my head and it still makes no sense. I always thought everyone was good deep inside, even the bitchiest people. I guess she was an egoistical whore. I find myself always thinking that they're just too into each other and that it's unhealthy... but it doesn't fix anything. It won't bring him back. It won't fix our broken friendship. It wont help the fact that she betrayed me. What a stupid story I wish I didn't have to tell.

I can't wait for spring break. I hate school.

I'm your #/ procrastinator and yet I did my biology project on Tuesday (due on Friday), French essay today (due Tuesday) and am almost done with my geography project (due Thursday)

Now all I need to do is read my book for French (before Thursday), finish geo and research the Jewish diaspora and the conflict in Palestine before Monday.

I dreamt that my cat died and I almost stepped on it when I woke up. Oops.

My math teacher corrected my homework and said it was the best copy of the group except for one mistake I made. I was obviously happy (and I got 98% on the test) and told my friend. She flipped out on me and said something along the lines of "OMG IT'S NOT MY FAULT I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS AT ALL STOP PUTTING ME DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

...ok.

I have a friend who constantly complains about the relationship she has with the guy she's seeing.

She complains when he cancels their plans... when she cancels her plans with him 90% of the time. Double standards much?

She told him they should stop seeing each other, to which he replied "Oh, well we had a good time I guess." and she flipped out. What were you expecting him to say? "OMG NO I LUV U SO MUCH WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR LIKE 3 WEEKS I LUV LUV LUV U DON'T GO!!!!" ? Sorry babe, that's not how it works.

She kept on complaining that he lives too far but he has a car and goes to school right by her house. SHE always wanted to cancel because she "had homework" or something... and then blamed him for not wanting to make it work.

I'm trying to be supportive but I want to slap the shit out of her so she sees SHE is the one screwing things up.

I really, truly do. I hope I end up working for a hotel in Mexico some day.

I talked to the guy who tried to apologize last week and ehh. I convinced him to come to Europe with us (he wasn't going to come because everyone else hates him there :/) and he's acting as if nothing ever happened. Cool I guess.

There's this thing about coincidences in my life that's pretty weird. It just seems like fate exists (but not really, I wouldn't believe in that) from all the things that happen. I was going to go cancel my trip to Europe on monday but the teacher in charge wasn't at his office during his office hours. That night, my dad said I could go and he'd take care of everything. Oh well, not going to complain. This is gonna be amazing. I can't wait.

You care about them deeply and would do anything for them. You want to see them smile and you know the feeling is mutual. It's all great until the day this person turns their back on you and pretends you never were friends to begin with. They blame you for everything that went wrong in their life. They try to turn you against your best friends as if it was all you ever deserved.

And a month later, that person shows up in your school's parking lot and apologizes for all the harm they have done. You pretty much tell them to go to hell because what they put you through was horrible. You wonder why it took them a whole month to come up with an apology.

Yet somehow, I feel like I was unfair to him. I miss my best friend.

Don't you ever feel like someone held eye contact for just a little bit longer than usual? Or that they went out of their way, just a little bit, and it made you feel good?

The crush saw me today and seemed very pleased to know that I would make it on Friday night to go out with him. He hadn't gotten his tickets yet because he was waiting for me haha. I had to leave and he followed me back to my locker and I don't know why but it made me feel as though he just wanted a few more minutes (haha there I go overanalyzing things again, but it's fun :P)

Or my whole class is retarded. I think it's the latter. I had to fight back sweet, sweet dreams for 3 hours yesterday in math class. I don't know how anyone can be so fucking stupid. I understood the concept even before the teacher explained it and then he goes and gives SEVEN different examples...and people STILL don't get it. I mean I'd expect that from calculus or something.... BUT THIS IS A PROBABILITIES CLASS. They don't understand how to draw a Venn diagram. I learnt that in 5th grade. Seriously. Longest 3 hours of my life.

I fail at interviews. Seeeeeriously. So awkward. Also when 3 people are in the room staring at you. Creepy.

I feel terribly unchallenged at school. I had bio today. It sucked. We did the same shit we did in 9th grade. O yayz microscopes!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have to do some project on human cells for next week and idgi. It's so lame. I have to read a text, fill a paper the teacher handed out and draw a cell :| Am I really in college?

Also, my best friend is getting on my nerves now that she's "seeing" some guy. She talks about him 24/7 and whenever I disagree with her, she tells me it's because I've never been through that. O ok sweetie, sorry that I never went around showing my friends EVERY SINGLE text message a guy would send me. I've come to the point where I just stop listening and stare blankly at the wall until she gets it. Then she's all "omg is something wrong with u cuz lyk mah lyf is amazing alex is so gr8 omgosh what did u have for breakfast cuz he had cheerios!!!!!!!!!"

Dinner with mum tonight........ Will be...interesting to say the least.